Not What We Wanted To Hear...

Nick went to get us lunch so I'll update while he's gone. Last night she went to surgery at 8 pm and was back in her NICU room at 10:30. Telling her goodbye knowing she's about to be put into a world of pain was the hardest thing I've ever done. She's so beautiful and looks so healthy and perfect on the outside, but her poor body is so sick on the inside. "Plan C" was worst case scenario and at 10 pm we got a call that "Plan C" was in fact what happened. I instantly felt so angry, I couldn't even cry I just wanted to scream. I was so furious in that moment, why God would you make my child so much? Why MY baby? God are you even there, do you even care? I then began to cry and all I could do was hold on to nick and stare at a wall. We were allowed to go to NICU and see her last night, wow I was not prepared for what I saw.

It was a long rough night and morning, my OB is keeping me admitted for another day I was having high blood pressure with a low heart rate- thank you stress. A pastor from my grandmother's church came by to pray for Emmie, he was so kind. I then read a text from my friend Amber Coughlin, it changed my outlook and gave me a quick check. Her wisdom was spot on and those questions I was asking God made more sense and seemed answered. HE does care, yes He made her this way not to make her suffer but to use her and us to show His glory and grace. It's so hard to remember that and accept it but I'm trying.

Medically- surgery also showed a calcified portion of her bowel which is a sign of Cystic Fibrosis. It's not a red flag, nick and I have no family history of CF, it's just a symptom and it needs to be explored. So she is being tested and we should know in a week, with another test at 3 months for further accuracy. I am worried and scared of what the test might say but she's still MY daughter, I love her regardless. She's perfect to me and that's all I care about.

She's still under sedation, using a ventilator, and getting lots of pain meds. Santa came by for pictures today but we didn't want her disturbed or a flash from a camera upsetting her. She is a fighter and I know she'll get through this, I'm going to fight tooth and nail for her every single day.

We've already had a bill collector come by the hospital room. We applied for other forms of assistance but so far it's not looking too good.

Prayer requests- healing for Emmie, to stay infection free, to be pain free, and for a negative Cystic Fibrosis test. Patience, peace, and less stress for Nick and I. For my body to heal from delivery. For God to provide in our time of need however He sees fit.

I Told You!!!

I'm writing this while Emmie is in the OR for her first surgery, I'll update on that later. I need a distraction and I simply cannot cry anymore. Back up- Monday morning I'm feeling contractions that are strong so I head in to L&D, my poor dad had to take me in because Nick was super sick with a stomach virus! They tell me I'm dilated further but not changing fast enough so go home. Monday night I stayed at my parents with my sister and Sophie (nick was still recovering) I spent the whole night in the most painful state. I was contracting constantly, they never stopped from my morning visit. I couldn't sleep they got so painful around 2:30 AM and got closer together, I just laid in bed and took a warm bath then laid in bed some more. At 8:30 I called my OB, she said to come in now and see what I was dilated to and that I'd probably get induced if I wasn't in active labor. Nick picked me up and we got there around 10:30, Dr. Shimer said I was 6 cm and was definitely in active labor! I was so relieved and so frustrated because I had been trying to tell anyone who would listen something wasn't right!!! I got admitted and got my epidural, an hour later I was 8 cm and had my water broken. An hour after that I was 10 cm and ready to push! Labored and progressed that quickly with no pitocin just me which I was thankful for.

Had to deliver with NICU in the room and a neonatologist, a good 8+ people, talk about overwhelming! Took about 4 pushes of contraction rounds and Emery Scarlett Robinson was born at 2:49 PM 7 pounds 4 ounces and 19 inches long. She is perfect had no issues with anything! They did take her quickly to NICU for X-rays and prep for testing. Her tests showed the atresia we knew about but also a calcified portion of bowel. This can be a symptom of Cystic Fibrosis but we are expecting that test to come back negative as it isn't found in either of our families.

I got to spend today snuggling her, holding her skin to skin and staring at her beautiful face. She went to surgery at 8 pm tonight and we still haven't gotten an update. Please pray for successful healing and minimal pain!!! Also, for this to be less severe than they think and Emmie to defy all odds.

When we left NICU and she went to the OR I had a moment of falling in love with my husband all over again. This man is my solid ground, he is everything to me. He is also what holds our family together and leads us. He curled up next to me in the hospital bed, held my hand, and prayed for our daughter. It's moments like that where I'm so thankful God made him for me.

The Waiting Game

We've been holding back on posting info until we knew what would be happening. I got admitted to Dallas Presby 12/11 for contractions and back labor, being 36 weeks and 5 days they do not want to help encourage labor to progress. We really need Emmie to go to 37 and be a "full term" baby. Every day she can stay in helps her lungs grow stronger. Last night was rough to say the least, no sleep and really uncomfortable. We talked with my OB this morning and she believes we'll have a baby in the next day or two, but I have to stay in the hospital until she is born. I miss Sophie so much, being here is miserable by itself but I have never been away from my first baby! Thankfully she is in good hands with my parents and is handling being away well.

We did have an ultrasound this morning which showed Emmie's bowel has worsened, but still not bad enough to need to induce labor- which is a great thing for her health! Please pray her bowel does not worsen any further!!! The perinatal doctor will be monitoring her even closer now,

Nick and I visited the NICU today to prepare ourselves for what is to come. It was difficult, but I left feeling SO thankful. We saw so many 1 pound babies- yes ONE pound! Emery is almost full term praise God she will not be so tiny. We saw two babies who have had several surgeries each, one little girl has had 4 and she's doing awesome! I am thankful our daughter will only need two and that we know about her condition. We got to see babies with picc lines, which she will have. Babies with ventilation tubes, which we know she will need. It was so sad and pulled so hard at my heart, but it brought me some peace to see other babies thriving and to know what to expect. I am thankful we have access to this NICU and the best medical care!

Please pray that when full labor kicks in it will be a fast, easy, SAFE, and healthy delivery. I have not been tolerating the "early labor" very well at all. That Emmie will be strong, lungs developed, and her bowel will not worsen. For the doctors and nurses we are encountering each day, their patience and knowledge.

Here is some funny for you: Nick is being amazing and tolerating my need for a freezing cold room, holding my hand through every contraction. I don't know if I should think he's one of the three wise men or if it's Jesus ;)!!! Love him!

What Did He Just Say?

It's been 35 days since we learned of Emmie's diagnosis. I can still see the doctor's face studying the ultrasound, not saying a word. I instantly knew there was something wrong, but I was not prepared for the news. Emmie's bowel loops were dilated in the jejunal portion of her small bowel. In basic terms, the middle section of her small bowel is swollen and pulsating in a way it shouldn't. All I heard was "your baby will need surgery right after birth, we'll see you in a week for another scan and set you up with a surgeon." Excuse me? What did he just say? This is a joke, I'm 31 weeks and she's been perfect and healthy. He has to be wrong, and he was so cold about it. Nick and I didn't really react, we were both in complete shock. He went back to work, I got in my car and sat there for a minute and let it all sink in, and lost it. He diagnosed her with Jejunal Atresia, we learned it is a rare genetic disorder and we are extremely lucky it was caught. Over the next two weeks we learned we had to switch OB's, go to a new hospital, get a new specialist, and lastly get Emmie a surgeon.

 The surgeon was the hardest meeting. I had to shake hands with this stranger who is going to cut my daughter open from side to side. The man who is going to inflict pain on her for months to come. But also, the man who will save her life. How do you despise yet need someone so much? I do like him though, he is an Aggie so that's a bonus! My prayer request is that he would be given the knowledge and tools he needs to fix her.

 I have up and down days, but strangely I have found some peace in all of the madness. I begged God to not take this baby away from me when I had a hemorrhage at 8 weeks- HE healed the bleed and allowed the pregnancy to progress. I prayed to not go into labor too early- I am 36 weeks and have been contraction medication free. I have prayed for her to be healed- and she will. She may not be healed in the way I would like but I know He is on her side and she will make it through this. I read Proverbs 3:5 recently and it pulled so strongly at my heart. "TRUST in the Lord with all your heart and lean NOT on your own understanding." Without prayer, without God I would be utterly lost and angry. I couldn't face this without my faith.

 I am not ready for any of this but it will come and I will have to be strong for her sake. I am beyond blessed with this amazing man I get the honor of calling my husband, we'll face this together. We're blessed with family and friends who will help us get through this. We're blessed with one daughter who survived health issues of her own, she is incredible and brings us joy every single day. We have a roof over our head, food on the table, jobs to go to, and access to the best medical care. How could we not be thankful, how could you not see God working in our lives? Please PRAY for our daughter, pray for her medical team and surgeon, pray for her healing.