Nick went to get us lunch so I'll update while he's gone. Last night she went to surgery at 8 pm and was back in her NICU room at 10:30. Telling her goodbye knowing she's about to be put into a world of pain was the hardest thing I've ever done. She's so beautiful and looks so healthy and perfect on the outside, but her poor body is so sick on the inside. "Plan C" was worst case scenario and at 10 pm we got a call that "Plan C" was in fact what happened. I instantly felt so angry, I couldn't even cry I just wanted to scream. I was so furious in that moment, why God would you make my child so much? Why MY baby? God are you even there, do you even care? I then began to cry and all I could do was hold on to nick and stare at a wall. We were allowed to go to NICU and see her last night, wow I was not prepared for what I saw.
It was a long rough night and morning, my OB is keeping me admitted for another day I was having high blood pressure with a low heart rate- thank you stress. A pastor from my grandmother's church came by to pray for Emmie, he was so kind. I then read a text from my friend Amber Coughlin, it changed my outlook and gave me a quick check. Her wisdom was spot on and those questions I was asking God made more sense and seemed answered. HE does care, yes He made her this way not to make her suffer but to use her and us to show His glory and grace. It's so hard to remember that and accept it but I'm trying.
Medically- surgery also showed a calcified portion of her bowel which is a sign of Cystic Fibrosis. It's not a red flag, nick and I have no family history of CF, it's just a symptom and it needs to be explored. So she is being tested and we should know in a week, with another test at 3 months for further accuracy. I am worried and scared of what the test might say but she's still MY daughter, I love her regardless. She's perfect to me and that's all I care about.
She's still under sedation, using a ventilator, and getting lots of pain meds. Santa came by for pictures today but we didn't want her disturbed or a flash from a camera upsetting her. She is a fighter and I know she'll get through this, I'm going to fight tooth and nail for her every single day.
We've already had a bill collector come by the hospital room. We applied for other forms of assistance but so far it's not looking too good.
Prayer requests- healing for Emmie, to stay infection free, to be pain free, and for a negative Cystic Fibrosis test. Patience, peace, and less stress for Nick and I. For my body to heal from delivery. For God to provide in our time of need however He sees fit.
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